Conditional Love Show Transcript
Procession from ACT 1 to ACT 2:
“Lovefool” (a jaunty pop tune from the 90’s) plays on the mini boom box
CD change:
“Punish Me With Love” (a droning electronic soundscape by Kerrith Livengood) plays
Jakki lies on the floor:
For years, I kept a yellow sticky note in the drawer of my bedside table. “You are worth saving,” it read, followed by the phone number of a hotline. I never called the number. Even when the weight of everything was too much to bear. I would lie on the floor communing with shadows who had grows so familiar that I could no longer parse where their whispers ended and I began. But each time I took the note out and considered it, I could never bring myself to call. I didn’t want to tie up the line for someone who really deserved it. The thought that I might be the one who deserved it never crossed my mind
Jakki reads from her diary:
Dear Diary, Sara was such a bitch at lunch today. She said my shoes look like her grandma’s orthopedics and that I really should tweeze my eyebrows better. Ha! Just because her eyebrows look like Drew Barrymore plucked them in a dark room doesn’t mean I need to whittle mine down to nothing. Besides, I’d rather have that Brooke Shields look. Not that I’ll ever look like Brooke Shields. Sure, I’ve got the height, but this NOSE. Ugh. It just screams “Opa!” Actually, that’s what Sara yells at me every time I enter a room. What a dumbass! I’m still going to her party on Friday.
Dear Diary, Clare Danes is soooo hottt! And she’s smart too. Why can’t the girls at my school be like that? The least they could do is notice me, but nooo they’re all into that Daniel guy and his friends. Eww. Those guys are all so short, like they have to look up at you at all the dances which is totally awkward. Tim does have nice hair though…and he plays the drums…but I’m pretty sure he’s dumb as bricks.
Dear Diary, My cousin got us tickets to the Lilith Fair! I cannot wait to see Jewel! I want to wear my Captain Funk T-shirt but I can’t find it. I think maybe mom hid it from me. Last time I wore it she said it was see-through. I don’t care! I’m not allowed to wear anything cool.”
Dear Diary, This nose is ruining my life! Maybe if I “accidentally” tripped over a hurdle at track practice, I can break it and then they can make it smaller when they fix it? I asked my doctor about it. She told me that I don’t need a nose job. She said that I’m like Chelsea Clinton and I’ll grow into my face later. What?! Is that supposed to make me feel better?! I look like an ostrich, I’m way too tall, I have bird legs, a tiny head, a giant beak, and a freakish bubble butt. I don’t think I’ll ever grow into anything.”
Jakki makes a phone call:
Phone dials. Rings twice.
(automated voice) Thank you for calling the Female Body Hotline. If you are experiencing a crisis due to the patriarchy, please hang up and scream into the void. If you noticed something new about your body and you want to know if it’s normal, press 1. For guidance on how to explain your body’s sexual needs to someone who clearly never studied anatomy, press 2. If you have received a really bad haircut, press 3. For all other calls, please remain on the line and a live agent will answer your call in the order in which it was received.
~electronic bossa nova hold music plays~
Your call is very important to us. Please remain on the line, and your call will be answered in the order in which it was received.
~hold music returns~
(live agent) Thank you for calling the Female Body Hotline. This is Brenda, how may I help you today?…hello? Female Body Hotline, this is Brenda. I’m having trouble hearing you. Please hold and I’ll connect you to a supervisor.
~hold music~
Thank you for calling the Female Body Hotline. We are experiencing higher than normal call volume at this time. Please try your call again later. Goodbye.
After reflecting in the mirror:
My jaw has softened. The way an apple softens in the sun with darkening spots that turn sugary-sweet beneath the weight of warm afternoon. My hands now resemble the hands of the matriarchs who preceded me. I watch as the creases of my knuckles grow sharper, rippling outward as if a child dropped a pebble into a pond. Onion paper skin craves the plush vitality of former years. “I’m drying out,” I say, wringing each finger between the others, soothing stiffness that creeps like the twilight I deny at the end of each day.
I can’t come inside yet. There’s still a big rock to climb at the top of the hill, honeysuckle to drink from blossoms plucked from the edge of the forest. I still want to ride my bike down to the creek and search the banks for pollywogs before I am called home for dinner.
As the light cools, sparse strands of silver appear around my edges, a gift of time I was never promised. How wonderful it is to have dappled thighs. What a pleasure to have knees that speak of long journeys. How precious it is to watch the parenthetic frame of a playful smile fulfill its destiny.
CD change:
“All My Life” (the quintessential high school slow dance of the 90’s with a long string intro) by K-Ci and Jojo plays
Ending Thoughts:
If you hear nothing else from this show, hear this: You are deserving of love, exactly as you are. I mean that. Genuinely. The truth is, you’re not perfect. You might be impatient or selfish or have poor impulse control and maybe you’ve done things you never want to admit to, but I don’t know anyone in this world who hasn’t. You Are Still Deserving of Love. Not when you finally start going to yoga, not when you text your friend back, not when you quit biting your nails or gossiping about people at work. Right now. Tonight.
This isn’t subjective. It’s just fact. You Are Deserving of Love, exactly as you are.
I am only going to ask one thing of you tonight. Call up your brother or your cousin or your grandmother, livestream to your followers, turn to your neighbor, or just close your eyes for a moment and speak to yourself and then say it with me: ”You Are Deserving of Love, exactly as you are.”
Thank you to everyone who made Conditional Love possible!